I don’t want to study anymore

Hello, I’m Hadassa. In this blog I tell you about me and my experiences.
I am 41 years old, mother of a 16 year old and remarried a year and a half ago.
When I finally graduated from school, I thought to myself, finally I’m done with my studies. Have you ever been to such a point that you were done with an issue once and for all?

Why did I feel like this?
In the eyes of my classmates I was a good student or even a nerd because I always came to all the lessons. In other words, I’ve never skipped school. But the teachers also saw me as a good student who always did his homework and never disturbed me. So what’s going on? you ask. My grades in math were always bad, Hebrew was very difficult and so was history. I got good grades in my elective art. I was also good at English. During parents‘ evening, my homeroom teacher said to my mom, „Her grades don’t reflect her abilities.“ Really?! I thought to myself, why don’t you give me the grades that suit me then?

Nobody told my parents that I might have a problem.
All of this frustrated me, of course, because I found learning very difficult and therefore didn’t enjoy it. That was the real reason why my grades were so bad. But because I’m an ambitious person and, unlike many of my classmates, set myself the goal of passing my Abitur, I achieved it. But although my grade point average was sufficient to pass the Abitur, it wasn’t just my ambition that was responsible for it, but also various miracles.
That was also the reason why, after I finished school, I could never imagine starting a degree or an apprenticeship.

Many years passed before I understood why I had to suffer so much at school: I sat all afternoon doing my homework and regularly attended remedial classes at school and my grades still didn’t improve.

I didn’t understand all this until my younger sister (6 years younger than me) was diagnosed with a learning problem. – Although it was now clear to me what my problem must be, it still didn’t motivate me to start studying or training.

In the meantime I got married and gave birth to a son and a daughter (a year and eight months apart). Raising my two children kept me busy because unfortunately my marriage broke up again after a short time. But this is another story.

I worked in various day care centers (0-3 years), and later also in kindergartens (3-6). In 2004 I trained as a childcare worker because since then legislation has required anyone who works with children to have a degree.

So it happened that in 2011 I had a learning disability test done. I was in my 30s at the time. Oh how surprising! I knew it: I was diagnosed with dyslexia. Now I was thinking about starting a degree, as a kindergarten teacher or something similar, definitely something to do with raising children and/or art.

A long long way…
I studied one semester (3 months) in the „Open University“ (distance learning). It was a good experience, so I thought about studying full-time at a university or academy.

The first academy found my Abitur grade average too low, which is why they advised me to take a psychometric test (a general entrance test for all universities and academies). But I tried the next institute first. This time I tried studying art at a university, but the university informed me that my art portfolio from school was too bad or too old.
After this second rebuff, I decided to take the psychometrics test, with the result that the rating here was too low to be able to study.
But since all good things come in threes, I tried another academy. Kindly, this one took me on. This academy also offers support for students with learning disabilities.